A Letter From Amazon

Dear Sallie,

We, here at Amazon, would like to request your presence….virtually, of course….in our daily meetings/briefings about the coronavirus and the ways it affects our products and delivery system.

As we’re sure you know, every single thing, and we mean EVERY single thing you buy, goes into our complex and thorough algorithms systems.  FYI, you don’t need to know what an algorithm is to be an integral part of this team.  That doesn’t matter.

We, here at Amazon, have noticed a spike in your jig-saw puzzle purchases in recent months.  It appears that just before there’s a rise in Covid numbers, you start ordering more puzzles.. Putting those two things together is what an algorithm can do.  It’s sort of like spying.   But, again that doesn’t matter.

It appears to us, through our algorithms, of course, that as the virus spreads, you also tend to order more and more CAT-related puzzles.  As opposed to flowers and sunsets which are typically among our most popular selections.  We also note that you are now ordering CHILDREN’S CAT puzzles.  There was even one with fuzzy pieces. And, we know, via our algorithms, that there are no children residing with you. So that little anomaly created a slight blip of concern, but in the end, it really doesn’t matter.

What matters is this: it looks to us like you have an “in,” a second sense about this virus. You seem to know when to order a puzzle….or two or three… and when to slow down a bit.  And we, at Amazon, are interested to know how you’re making those decisions.  What do you know that we don’t?  

And while we, here at Amazon, find it hard to believe that you know anything, and we mean ANYTHING, that we don’t, what with all our fancy algorithms and such, we’re still curious.

Please give us a call at your convenience.  Our land line, here at Amazon, is  123-456-AMAZ.