Dear Doctor Fauci,

Dear, Dear, Dr. Fauci,

What have you gotten yourself into?  Oh, how I wish you’d called me before you agreed to be the face of Covid 19.

See, here’s the problem.  You actually read.  A lot.  You study the facts, you absorb them, you evaluate them and then you make informed decisions.  You come to thoughtful conclusions, and while not always popular, and occasionally not on target, they’re clearly based on the available facts. 

I, on the other hand, don’t allow myself to get bogged down by facts.  I believe that facts do nothing but get in the way of a perfectly good story and I really like a good story.  As a result, my conclusions are rarely based in fact or truth.

We think differently, you and I. 

Now, here’s where I think that my expertise, my way of doing business, could have spared you a lot of trouble. I understand how frustrating it must be for you to deal with someone like me.  I live with a man, The Mister, who tends to be fact-driven which is so annoying.  I often tune him out until he’s come to his “common-senses” and realizes that I was right to begin with.  Facts notwithstanding, of course.  But our issues aren’t big ones.  They’re rarely important at all.

You, on the other hand, have the little matter of the country’s health in your hands.   You don’t have the luxury of avoiding the facts, the medicine, the science.  It seems to me that at the very least, I could have warned you how hard it is to reason with someone like me.  Someone who blows a bit of hot air.  Someone who blows off the facts.

You’re feeling the heat now.  You shouldn’t have to.  Maybe I could have dissuaded you from taking on this task but I doubt it.  You’re guided by good and you aren’t getting it right now.

In the meantime, stay with us.  Please.  We need you.  Just remember your (mock) Latin from medical school,” illigitim non carborundum,” and stay the course.

PS.  For those of us who may be curious, but whose (mock) Latin is a bit rusty, click here.