I’m one (mis) step closer to joining MENSA.   That elite group of nerdy, brainy people.  I’ll explain.

See, I fell a few days ago.  It was a big fall.  A shoe caught on an uneven piece of sidewalk and down I went.  Knees, wrists and face.   In that order.  Happily, I only got a few cuts, some bruises and a bit of gravel in my face.  Nothing broken, sprained or sliced.

I clearly recall that as I thudded to the ground, I uttered a four letter word and it wasn’t “rats.”

I also remember that as I was trying to stand up, I saw a man drive past me who couldn’t possibly have missed my splayed-out body on the ground.  He didn’t so much as say: “Hey lady, you OK?”  I called him a name.  It wasn’t a nice name.

I dusted myself off, limped home, treated my wounds and scolded myself for being so careless, if not outright stupid.  I also took myself to task for using such un-lady-like language.

But then I remembered.

Michael Adams wrote a book, “In Praise of Profanity,”  in which he says that the effective use of profanity has proved to be an indicator of verbal skill.  If not intelligence.

The Marist College has recently published a report supporting that premise.

Given the utterances that flew out of my mouth so spontaneously, so effectively and, I believe, quite appropriately, I decided that I’d earned an intelligence promotion…15 points on the IQ scale, at a minimum.  Look out MENSA, I’m on my way.  I may not arrive all in one piece but I’ll be there.

All in all, it was a very satisfying day.

 

 

That’s the title I’ve bestowed upon the wonderful women who work with breast surgeons.  They’re the women who guide a new breast cancer patient through that  scary world, its language and procedures.  Their official title is Breast Navigator.  But one of the things they do so well is slice through red tape.   Hence my preferred title: Bureaucratic Ninja.

It’s been a year now since my little cancer oopsie and it was that time again.  Mammogram time.

I called to set up an appointment.  Just out of curiosity, I asked if it would be half-price, given the fact that now there’s only one.  I was informed that it was a bi-lateral mammogram.  But I’m uni-lateral, I argued.  Why do I have to pay for two?  Because that’s just the way it is, she said.

I told her I thought that was “milking the system.”  Perhaps an inappropriate metaphor in this instance but true nevertheless. Eye docs only charge for one at a time when they do cataracts.  Orthopods certainly don’t charge for two knee replacements when they only do one.  What’s the big diff with mammograms?

I lost that battle.  There were bigger ones on the way.

The day came for the appointment.  I had jitters; I think quite naturally.  I sat in the outer-waiting room (there’s an inner one, too…bi-lateral waiting rooms?)   I waited and watched as many who arrived after me left before me.  Time and time again.  Come and go, in and out, and there I sat.

At last I inquired.  Well, they said, your order says to do the left side and, as we look at your records, it’s clear we can’t do that.

You’re right about that, I said, so what’s the problem?

We have to obey the order.

That’s a physical impossibility so let’s be reasonable here.

We can’t.  We need another order.

I’ll fix this one, I offered.  Give me a pen.  I’ll cross out left and put in right.

No can do.

Then let me into the inner sanctum and I’ll demonstrate the obvious. We’ll go from there.

Nope, can’t do that either.

Just exactly how long is it going to take to get this straightened out, I asked, because I’ve been sitting here for well over an hour.   I’ve been patient and quiet so far but those other, not so well behaved, dogs are desperate to get out and it’s not gonna be pretty when they do.  Trust me on this: You don’t want that to happen.

Enter the Breast Navigator, aka, Bureaucratic Ninja.  She had remembered me from last year, had come to my rescue more than once back then and, Bless Her Heart, there she was again.  In less than five minutes I was on my way.  Happy to have it over and happier to have a good report.

I don’t know what she did to make it right.  All I know is The Mister was so grateful for her help that he sent her flowers the next day.  I stop by to just say hello if I’m in the neighborhood.  She doesn’t have an easy job and she sure does it well.  She deserves the occasional, out-of-the-blue and heartfelt “Thank you.“

 

P.S.  Life on the May turns three this month.  The blog is still a “do-not-reply” site.  My personal email or the “contact” page on the site is the only way for a message to come to me. Anything else goes into the ethers, never to be seen again.   I value any remarks you have.   It’s my way of staying in touch.

 

Even in this terrible heat, our porch gets a lovely breeze.  It’s a little like a warming oven.  Not hot enough to cook in; just warm enough to take the chill off an over-air-conditioned person.

I always take a book with me when I retreat to the porch.  I’ve been reading The Bettencourt Affair by Tom Sanctus.  It has everything one would want for summer escapism: “hidden secrets, divided loyalties, frayed relationships, fractured families.”  All based in France around the world’s richest woman and her cosmetic company.

I skimmed over the historical data.  Why get bogged down in facts when there’s  another juicy scandal just around the corner, on the next page?

One little sentence caught my eye and has stayed with me.

It said:  “Doing good makes no noise; making noise does no good.”

As I read that, I happened to glance up at the river.  I saw a sailboat….lovely, gracious, silent.  And seconds later a super-charged power-boat surging past … .noisy, disturbing, wake-making and dock-rocking.

It was a clear, visual illustration of what I’d just read.

I’ve thought a lot about those words in the past week.  The river situation was an obvious example.

I’m also pretty sure those words have relevance beyond the river.    I’ll think on it a bit more.

It’s one of the things I do best.  Get anxious.  Overwhelmed.  Way too worried.

Turning molehills into mountains is child’s play for me.

I was feeling all that last Friday morning.  I knew what I had to do and I knew I had to get it over with.   A deadline was approaching.

I washed my hair in readiness.  Put on more “face” than I normally would on a Friday morning….or any other morning for that matter.

I chose what I believed to be a becoming shirt for the occasion.  I wanted to present a nice image.

I put an extra sweater…..or two…..in my carry-all to ward off what I was certain would be  a chill in the too-airconditioned space.

In readiness, I also packed some light  snacks.  Experience has taught me that the process can take some amount of time and I certainly didn’t want to be hungry when my number was called.  I was stressed enough without having a growling stomach.

Of course, my Kindle was also at the ready.  It was charged  to the fullest with what I  thought was an engaging book to occupy the time.  One that would get me through the interminable morning….and perhaps into early afternoon.  I even had a back-up book.  Just in case.

I also had both sets of eyeglasses which I knew I would need.  Distance and near.  Couldn’t be over prepared.

When I arrived, the parking lot was full as I knew it would be.  The clouds had just released a torrential rain so all that hair and face preparation went down the drain, so to speak.

Soaked to the bone, I had barely settled into a fairly comfortable seat when it all started.

They called my number.

Things proceeded so quickly, I never had time to worry.  Next thing I knew, it was over.

After five minutes, yes, five short, and I might add, very pleasant minutes, I had a brand new driver’s license.

 

 

Click on the picture for a larger image

Earlier this summer, we had the opportunity to view an artist’s world-wide, four year photographic study of her 400-plus Facebook friends.   Through her photography, she took us into their homes, their families, their lifestyles.

The exhibition by itself was intimate and engaging.  But she took it a step further.

Her four-year study apparently compelled her to ask the question: “What is a friend?”  In her search for answers, she offered everyone who visited her exhibit an opportunity to respond to that question, via little post-it notes, handily positioned in the gallery.   She then transferred those responses onto gauzy strips of material and hung them, floor to ceiling, in the gallery along side the photographs.

We read as many as we could.  Most were general, some very personal.  All very thoughtful.

I particularly liked one that said: “A friend is someone you make with.”

No, the writer didn’t leave out a word.  You fill in your own.   As in make dinner with, make plans with, make art with.

I didn’t submit my favorite because I didn’t see the post-it-notes but if I had, this is what I would have said:  “A friend is someone who asks the second question.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

SAD isn’t something we want but many of us get it anyway.

SAD stands for Seasonal Affect Disease.  It happens when the skies are too gray for too long.  When there’s snow and ice on everything.  When the trees are bare for months.  When the sun doesn’t shine for days on end.

We get grumpy, irritable, testy.  In a word, SAD.

So we move to places like South Carolina and Florida because we don’t want SAD.

I have SAD, too.  But, mine takes a different turn.  Mine happens when just the opposite occurs.  When there’s too much sunshine.  When the skies are not cloudy all day.  When everyone says: “Isn’t it a beautiful day today?”  Day after day after day.

I get my hopes up when there’s a chance of thunderstorms.  The possibility of a little hail does nothing but add joyful anticipation.

My heart goes pitter-patter when dark and ominous clouds form over the river to the west.

I celebrate a good strong wind, especially with the hint of even stronger gusts.

Hurricanes, of course, are a universal no-no.   Ditto tornadoes, blizzards and such.

But perhaps, just perhaps, those of us on the dark side….and I know you’re out there…. could be allotted  the occasional ominous cloud and teensy bit of inclement weather.

I certainly don’t wish the sunny-day people any harm.  I don’t hold their blue-skies against them.   I just yearn for the occasional spot of gloom.

 

Cloud image courtesy of Paxabay.com

 

 

 

to my dear and respected poets:

sometimes….no, make that lots of times….i have trouble understanding poetry.  shakespeare and chaucer are lost on me.   i do quite like e.e. cummings but mostly because he never  capitalized anything.    my poet friends are well aware of my limitations.

forrest gump said that “life is like a box of chocolates……you never know what you’re gonna get.”     well, i think poetry’s a little like that,  too.

there was a ton of chocolate in our house when I was growing up.   my mother, a woman of taste, particularly loved godiva chocolates.    a beautiful box of those sumptuous goodies was an instant path to her heart.

on top of each layer of those yummy chocolates we’d find a road map for what lay beneath.    directions, if you will, for our munching enjoyment.    you certainly didn’t want to bite into a hazelnut when you were longing for marzipan.

for example, you might read: “this particular delicacy is bathed in a dark swiss chocolate, blended with finely shaved brazilian walnuts, carefully layered with argentinian caramel and a hint of oak-aged scotch.”

those tantalizing, seductive words urged us to dig deep and understand what made that chocolate so good;  to appreciate that little piece of candy intelligently, knowingly, happily.   the godiva people did that for me and i wish poets would do that, too.

oh, i know a little mystery is part of the whole deal, but every once in a while, i’d love to be prepared before i take my first bite.

so, dear poets, please help me out a little.   give me a few hints and clues as to what i’m meant to discover between the lines and the layers, under the lid of that beautiful box.

i think i might be able to savor the sweet stuff…and the journey… just that much more.