Tribes

Sebastian Junger has a new book, entitled “Tribe.” The focus is on soldiers returning from war and finding that they may not be fully accepted into the “tribe” of family and friends they left behind.   They return with the scars of war and carnage and are greeted with isolation. One is as devastating as the other.

I love Junger’s writing but I don’t think I’ll read this one. It sounds pretty rugged. I’m sure it’s an excellent book but perhaps not as uplifting as I need right now.

However, it did make me think about the “tribes” in my own life. Places of belonging, of comfort, of acceptance. The value I put on those tribes is incalculable.

I’ve decided that I’m no longer a member of a tribe. Now, I have “pods.”

The tribe model was at its strongest for me when the children were small. The tribe centered around them and their needs. It served many purposes: community, shared information, socialization, support.

At that point in our lives, tribes were almost pre-manufactured. So many of us were in the same places at the same time with our growing families. Commonality was common.

And then things changed. The children went away, and with them, the tribe.

Enter “pods.”

They’re not quite so easy. They’re unpredictable. You need to go on fishing trips to find your pods. You have to test the waters. Failure is always an option. But, so is success. And sometimes one pod works for a while and then, by necessity, or design, it goes away.

Happily, I have a number of pods.  Each one has its own flavor, uniqueness, composition, purpose. They provide comfort, pleasure and acceptance. They’re just not as singularly focused as that old tribe was.

Change happens.  It’s as predictable as the unpredictable.

And that’s good. Keeps me on my toes.

I’m not saying that I don’t miss my old tribe. I do. Every once in a while, we’re able to get together. And when we do, everything’s the same as it used to be.

How lovely.