A Very Short Play on the May

(Click on picture for the full image)

Setting: A beautiful day on the May. Blue skies.  Serene river. Funeral in process at the church next door, bells pealing, once for every year of the deceased’s life. Always a sobering and thoughtful time.

Cast of characters: (in no particular order of importance.)

A. Yours truly.

B.  Next door neighbor.

C.  Husband of yours truly.

D. Husband of next door neighbor.

Five chickens.

One snake.

 

The curtain rises.

A and C are quietly counting the chimes from the funeral, hoping they’ll reveal a life lived long and well.

Phone rings in A and C’s house.

A:  “Hello.”

B: (screaming) “Snake! Big, great big snake in hen house.”

A: (screaming) “Call Critter Management or the Police!  Right Now!”

C: Having overheard the conversation: (how could he not?)  “I’ll be right over.”

A: “No, no, no.  We need to call Critter Management. Or the Police. That snake could be poisonous.”

C rushes to scene.

A follows.

B and C take a careful look at snake in coop. A peeks around edge.  Big snake…great big snake.   At least 20 feet long.

A: “I’ve never seen a snake that big. I really think we better call Critter Management. Or the Police.”

B and C assess situation. Discuss options.

A: “None of this is good. At all. Call Critter Management or the Police. Now.”

B gets a shovel.

C gets a shovel.

B and C trap snake with shovels. Snake continues to writhe.

A.  “This is very scary.  Can’t we just please call Critter Management?  Or the Police?”

D arrives.

A:  To D: “Thank goodness you’re home.  As you can see, we have an extremely dangerous situation on our hands. B and C are ignoring my advice to call Critter Management or the Police.   Perhaps you can get them to listen to reason.”

D gets a nasty, sharp-edged thingie from his tool shed.

B, C and D trap snake with their various tools.

A: “You people are going to get bitten. I just know it.  You are going to be very, very sorry  that you didn’t call Critter Management. Or the Police.  And I’ll be right here to tell you that I told you so.”

B, C and D suggest that A either go home or join the chickens who have been shooed out of the coop and are running around in circles.

B, C and D finally do in snake….big snake….great big snake.

Bells still pealing at church. Disconcerting but fitting as now there are two who are deceased.

D attempts to corral chickens back into coop. No go. They saw that snake, too.

A leaves.

B, C and D put snake to rest.

Anyone want to come by for sip of wine later on? The water’s lovely.