OH, THE JOYS OF COMPLAINING.

And carping!  And whining!  And bitching!  

I’m a big fan. Of it all!  Come sit next to me and I’ll show you just how much I enjoy it.      

Now just between us, I know deep in my soul that it does no good whatsoever to complain or whine about what’s bothering us these days.  Nobody cares.  They’ve all got their own stuff and they surely don’t need ours. 

And, by the same token, we don’t really care a whit about theirs, now do we?

So then why, we ask ourselves?  Why bother?  Why bother to get all riled up?  To go on a tear? To get all atwitter? And perhaps about absolutely nothing? Well, let me count the ways.    

First, it feels good to rant and rave.  You should always start by practicing in front of a mirror.  Pretend you’re your very own audience!  As you tell yourself your own pitiful, exaggerated, sob stories, you’re looking for gasps, surprise, and shock in response   If you can’t evoke those over-the-top reactions all by yourself and all for yourself, well, then it’s time to call it quits. 

But if you can convince your real-self and your mirrored-self that your own complaints are special, unique and deserving of everyone’s utmost attention and empathy, then it’s time to move on to the next step.   Now, you need a volunteer.  An unwitting one.  The word scapegoat comes to mind but there’s no need to get nasty about it.

When you find said volunteer, get right to it.  Share all your troubles and woes.  There’s no time to waste.  Exaggeration and overstatement are, as always, crucial in delivery.  Watch for signs.  A tear or two from your volunteer gets you a “ten,” on the complaint-o-meter; a sideways glance spells trouble. 

And finally, you might well ask, since none of this has made any sense at all, why did I bother to write it?  Let alone ask others to read it?   Well, if you’re still with me, then that’s exactly why I wrote it.  It was just for fun and silliness.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.