Where’s our mail?

We are having trouble, right here on the river, getting our mail. It’s a long story and not worth going into but when you don’t get your mail, especially bills, you don’t pay them because you don’t know when they’re due or how much you owe and then things like phones, electricity, and water get cut off because you didn’t pay the bill you didn’t get and didn’t know you were supposed to.

That’s issue number one.

The second issue is that I am a born and bred West Virginian and we own a little land way back in them thar hills.

The issues are connected because we get tax bills from the state….or at least we are supposed to but because of our mail problems we aren’t getting them and so we aren’t paying the taxes and in West Virginia they get all huffy about that stuff and put those little tracts of land on the auction block and my father would turn over in his grave if I didn’t pay the taxes and lost that little piece of land in his beloved West Virginia.

So. My kind husband, who tends to these details, suddenly realized that the taxes on said piece of land are most likely seriously overdue.

Hence he made a phone call to get some help. The phone call went something like this:

Hi. I don’t think that we have our tax bill or the paperwork to figure out how much we owe you on that little tract of land that’s under my wife’s name.

Let me check, sir. It looks like we sent all that out several weeks ago and you should have gotten it by now.

Well, you see, we’re having mail problems. Could you re-send the materials?

I’d be happy to but the material we sent you that you didn’t get was the wrong material.

I see….well, could you send us the right material?

I can’t do that right now.

Why not?

The forms person is on her lunch break.

That’s okay. When she gets back, perhaps she could send the correct ones electronically.

No, I don’t think she can do that.

Why not?

Well, she’s still in training which is why you were sent the wrong forms which you didn’t get and I don’t think she knows how to do that electronic stuff quite yet.

I see. How long has she been in training?

It’s only been a couple of months. She’s making good progress but these things take time.

But our taxes are due and we need the paperwork to figure out how much we owe you.

Yessir, I can see that you have a problem but there’s not much we can do about it here and anyway if you didn’t get the wrong materials, how will you get the right ones if we send them to the same address?

You make a good point.

Is your wife Mr. Morris’s daughter?

Yes, she is.

He must have been such a nice man. I didn’t know him but everyone still speaks so kindly of him. Did you know he sent us candy on Valentine’s Day?

No, I didn’t know that but it sounds like something he would do.

Well, let me see what I can do for you.

Thank you. I would very much appreciate it.

End of conversation. We still don’t have the paperwork but hope springs eternal.

One thing I know for sure. We’re sending candy on Valentine’s Day. And maybe after that the forms person will know how to send things electronically. In West Virginia, candy can be a fine motivator. We’ll see.