Who Are They?

Are they Crooks or Cronies?

Perps or Pals?

Burglars or Buddies?

How about all of the above?

A couple of weeks ago, I posed a simple one-question “survey” to a group of friends. The question was: “Have you ever stolen anything?” The responses were remarkable.

With that seemingly innocent inquiry, I learned, to my great dismay, that many of those friends had suffered from sticky-finger-syndrome at one point or another in their lives.

Nearly all of those questioned confessed to “lifting” something that was most definitely not theirs. The majority of the incidents appear to have taken place in what we once referred to as Five-and-Dime Stores or “corner groceries.” 

All of the respondents assured me that their transgressions occurred years and years ago and that they have since been rehabilitated and gone on to live crime-free lives.  At least, that’s their story and I suppose they’re sticking to it.

From what I gathered, the majority of the pilfered goods were sugar-oriented.  Chocolate, to be specific.  Baby Ruths, Mars Bars,  Butterfingers.  There were a few variations on that theme. One helped herself to a package of spearmint chewing gum and another to small box of safety pins. 

One purloined a gold fish, which, lacking water, died on the way home.  Another “borrowed” her sister’s Halloween outfit, most likely, in a fit of pigue.   Still another took one screw (yes, only one) from Lowe’s.  He also took it back.  The guilt was overwhelming.

The stories, as gleefully reported to this pollster, are vividly rich in detail.  Each “con” clearly remembers the heist, the thrill of success, the fear of discovery and, ultimately, the shame of parental punishment.

And each story is funnier than the next.

I’d highly recommend taking your own survey if you think you might enjoy sharing a friend’s childhood memory and a hearty laugh.

Image thanks to risingsunchatsworth.co.za