We subscribe to exactly three magazines. We enjoy them but I am wearying of their relentless attempts to get us to renew. And re-renew. They even offer to send a FREE subscription to a friend or family member if I’ll renew….right this very minute.

The notices start off with a soft sell, of course. As in: “Dear Mrs: We know you don’t want to miss a single issue of______. We’ve enclosed a self-addressed stamped-envelope especially for you so you can take advantage of this unique opportunity. We eagerly look forward to hearing from you, our loyal reader.”

Lacking a response, they kick it up a notch. “Dear Mrs:  You are missed! Please re-join our group of informed, stylish and up-to-date readers. Just like yourself. Renew now!”

The next round is harsher still. “Dear Mrs:  Take advantage of this offer immediately! Time is running out.”

Then the gloves come off. Now there’s not so much as a salutation. Just a warning. “This is the very last offer you will receive. It’s now or never. Consider yourself in danger of dismissal.”

If I haven’t re-upped by then, I fear they’ll abscond with my youngest child.

But we never get that far. I cave. I write the check.

I need to remind myself that these notices are not party invitations. I don’t have to respond every time one comes in the mail.

The other one who lives here and carts those heavy magazines to the recycling center suggests that I read the fine print so I’ll understand that when it says “Jan. 29” it most likely means that I have 13 years left on that subscription.

But isn’t that always the problem? The fine print? It’s hard enough to wade through the magazines. Who has time for the “fine print?”

By the way, do any of you want a free subscription to _____?   No? Of course, you don’t.   If you did, you’d have already subscribed and you’d be getting these letters, too.